Since when did Being too Nice become a Character Flaw?

There are a few characteristic traits that often confuse me if they are one’s strengths or weaknesses. One of them is being nice. To jot a few examples, making sure people around are comfortable; saying no to something, rarely; doing everything one can, to make people around them happy.

However, In this day and age, being too nice is indicated as being weak, a pushover or a doormat who can be taken advantage of. I tried searching about this trait of ‘being nice’ on the internet and all I could find were articles like ‘ Are you too nice? How to change it’ or ‘Signs that you are too nice and what to do about it’. I really don’t get it. Since when did being too nice become such a serious character flaw?

Kind And Nice is possible

Be mindful that there are different intentions behind being nice. Acting nice expecting something in return or being genuinely nice with no particular intension. Also, there is a whole other argument that being nice is different from being kind. But I believe, being nice as well as kind is also possible.

I know everybody has their own priorities and there is nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong if you put aside your priorities once in a while to do something for somebody selflessly. That doesn’t mean you are a loser or you don’t have anything better to do in life. There is nothing wrong if you sometimes don’t stand too strong on your ground and give up on an argument just to safeguard your relationship with the other person.

Vaguely nice

When I was a teenager, I was always too nice to people around me, or at least I believe I was. However, people around me used to say ‘stop being so nice or you’ll be bullied or taken advantage of’, ‘always put yourself first’, ‘only think about yourself, it’s your life’ and so on. Eventually, I also started believing that’s true and started telling no to things I didn’t really want to do, putting myself first on most occasions. But whenever I did so, I never felt good about it. For me, it took a lot more energy to say no than to just do the damn thing.

In time, I grew up always confused about it, being on and off nice. However, as I think of it deeper now, why do most people encourage being self-centred over being nice. I don’t see how being selfish and self-centric better than being too nice in any way. There are so many really bad characteristics out there and should we really be concerned about being ‘too nice’?

Niceness is better than self-centeredness

Imagine if everybody was nice. How happy the world would be. I know that’s unrealistic, but nothing’s wrong in imagining though. Anyways, what if everybody is concerned about people around them rather than being selfish. What if you do something to somebody selflessly just to see them happy. How is it such a bad thing, anyway?

Of course, there are downsides of being too nice. People tend to take advantage of you, as you are always there for them. They see you as a weakling and take you for granted. They presume that you have nothing great to do or you don’t have a voice or you can’t stand on your ground.

However, I think you could always find a balance between being too nice and also taking care of yourself. You can set your boundaries for the things or time you can forgo for others. You can always raise your opinion in a subtle and nice way. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for somebody, but you can definitely go ahead and do something that it is in your hands just to see them smile. It gives great personal satisfaction in doing so.


  1. Wow.. I relate to everything that you’ve written. A lot of the times people keep telling me why you be so nice every time. Damn! Nobody understands I find my sanity, and pleasure in it. Very well written !! 😊


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